


Eyes glistening (with the ghost of my past)

by Startanewdream



Series: Jily Lives AU [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drabble, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, James Potter & Lily Evans Potter Live, James Potter is a good parent, Potter Family Feels (Harry Potter), Potter Family-centric (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:08:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28831710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Startanewdream/pseuds/Startanewdream
Summary: “Can you remember your parents at all?” said Rita Skeeter, talking over him.“No,” said Harry.“How do you think they’d feel if they knew you were competing in the Triwizard Tournament? Proud? Worried? Angry?”A Jily Lives AU to answer that question.
Relationships: Harry Potter & Potter Family, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Series: Jily Lives AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2116542
Comments: 24
Kudos: 139
Collections: Genuary 2021





	Eyes glistening (with the ghost of my past)

Lily is fuming by the time they leave Dumbledore’s office, her hand still gripping tightly the letter they received from Harry late the night before.

_ ‘Mom, Dad, _

_ I’m one of the Triwizard Champions. I SWEAR I didn’t put my name on the Goblet of Fire. I don’t know who did it, but Hogwarts has another champion too. _

_ Dumbledore said I have to participate now, but I never wanted to. _

_ Please don’t be mad. _

_ Love, Harry’. _

James supposes Lily had already used all her patience to not storm into Hogwarts right after receiving the letter; he’d felt the same. None of them had slept well that night, just holding each other, unable to promise that things would be ok when they clearly weren’t.

They had flooed to Dumbledore’s office early in the morning, but the headmaster’s words had done nothing to calm their worries. Harry was a participant in a tournament that shouldn’t be available to underage wizards and witches, and as a fourth champion when there should be only three.

And Dumbledore was fearing - as they had all night - that someone had done it on purpose, to have a shot at…

James can’t finish this thought. All he ever wanted was for Harry to have a normal calm year at Hogwarts, but for some reason - and he could name the reason - things always happened around him.

Lily’s hard steps wake him.

‘Lily…’, he begins, and she turns to him with fire in her eyes.

‘Don’t Lily me, James, not now’.

‘Being mad won’t accomplish anything’.

‘What else can I do?’, she asks, angry tears shining on her eyes. ‘Dumbledore won’t do anything, that stupid Goblet is a magical contract and now Harry is bound to compete in a tournament well above him -’

It’s everything James has been thinking since they received Harry’s letter, but he can’t falter now. Lily needs him and, if he knows his son at all, no matter how much Harry will say everything is fine, he will need them too.

‘I know, love’, he says soothingly, offering his arms so she can bury herself on them. After one second of hesitation, during which Lily seems too upset to do anything, she accepts his hug. ‘Now we do the only thing we can do. We help Harry’.

‘We aren’t  _ supposed  _ to’, she whispers.

‘I  _ know _ , but we can’t just stand -’

‘I only meant we will have to be discreet about it’, adds Lily, separating herself a little so she can wink at him. ‘So we don’t cause him any harm. But you can be damn sure he won’t be alone in any of those tasks’.

He nods and for a moment they just stand facing each other, promising themselves silently they will do everything they can - and more - to help Harry.

‘Let’s go find him?’, James asks finally, and Lily nods.

‘Where? Gryffindor Tower or Great Hall?’

‘Times like these I miss my old map… It’s morning, let’s try Great Hall. A champion has got to eat’.

Lily’s smile at his joke is not very hearted, but he will take it. Harry had always enjoyed breakfast and he hopes any concern over the Tournament didn’t affect his hunger.

‘What do you think it will be?’, Lily asks him in a low voice, as they start descending the stairs. There are a few other students around them, throwing curious glances at them. James supposes it will take them a few moments to recognize him and Lily - they are famous, after all, and Harry looks just like James anyway. ‘The first task?’

‘The one to test their courage? It could be anything’.

‘We have to find out...’

‘If twenty years ago someone had told me you would be positively trying to break a wizarding rule, I would say they were mad’.

‘Twenty years ago I didn’t have a kid that is facing death at every corner’, she snaps louder than before, and when people turn to look at them again, she sighs. ‘Sorry, James, it’s just -’

‘I  _ know,  _ Lily. But he will -’, his voice falters a little, ‘- he will be okay. Harry has faced worse than anything they will have for the Tournament and if there is anything he excels at is being brave’.

Lily smiles at this, and he knows the smile is of love for Harry, for how their son faces everything life throws at him with courage and goodness. James tightens his hand around hers, and he urges himself to believe in his words too. He is right in the sense that for someone who has met Lord Voldemort three times now and survived, Harry has an advantage on this tournament.

But what he doesn’t say is how much he wishes that Harry wouldn’t be so targeted by any dark lord, how he could just have a normal year at Hogwarts worrying only about classes and dating and his friends. Like James once did.

He hates feeling powerless to protect Harry, who is just a  _ boy _ .

His boy.

They stand at the door of the Great Hall, trying to look inside without calling much attention; Harry always hated attention, though James thinks that he will have a long year ahead.

‘I see Ron’, he says. ‘But Harry is not -’

‘James’, Lily calls him and he sees she is looking at the front doors, on the Entrance Hall.

He turns around. Harry is walking through the front doors, with Hermione by his side, both in gloomy silence. Harry’s head is slightly bending down as if the weight of his back is crushing him. Looking at him causes another wave of fury in James, over the injustice of everything that is happening with him.

He is only fourteen. He shouldn’t have to carry such a weight.

Harry’s eyes snap in their direction and he straightens himself a little bit, as if he is trying to look less miserable than he is, and James wants to bury his son deeply in his arms and never let go, never let any harm come to him.

But he can’t, and not only because Harry would be so embarrassed by being hugged by his father in the middle of the Entrance Hall. By James’ side, Lily presses his hand with more force, and he knows she too is holding herself as not to grab Harry and fly away with him to a place Harry can have a peaceful life.

They approached him quietly, ignoring the curious looks around them.

‘We will talk later’, says Hermione, throwing a tentative smile at Harry. ‘Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Potter’.

At other times James would complain that she should call him James - and Hermione does sometimes when they meet her and Ron during the summer holidays - but now he just nods in silence, thanking her.

‘Harry -’, Lily begins, and James can hear the agony in her voice. Harry too, because he winces.

‘Let’s go for a walk’, suggests James, and Harry just accepts in silence.

That’s not good; Harry is always loud and talkative. It’s when he is quiet, deep in his thoughts, that it means something is wrong.

They walk on the grounds; it’s a November day, crispy and gold still, and James tries not to think that the last time he walked on Hogwarts grounds with Lily, it was very different. It had been their last day on Hogwarts, a summer day, and they’d been full of hope for the future, for fighting their part in the war and then for what they would do after the danger was over.

The war had supposedly ended, but the danger had not left their lives ever since Harry was born on the wrong month.

Harry avoids the lake - James sees the Durmstrang students are anchored there - and the forest, taking them instead for the empty Quidditch field. James remembers the letter Harry had sent early in September, talking about how he was excited for the Triwizard Tournament but deeply disappointed that Quidditch had been canceled…

Now Harry looks around the field with an expression that seems to confirm his disappointment as if he wishes more than ever he could just being flying.

‘We can talk here’, Harry says in a desolate voice. ‘Go on’.

Lily and James exchange a look.

‘What do you think we will say, Harry?’, Lily asks softly. 

‘You are mad, aren’t you? You don’t believe I -’

‘Harry’, James cuts him off, putting his hand on his son’s shoulder. Harry’s eyes, so identical to Lily, look at him with a desperate need. ‘If you say you didn’t do it, we believe you’.

‘We will always believe you’, promises Lily.

There are sparkles of tears in Harry’s eyes, but he looks calmer as if somehow hearing his parents telling him they believe in him has lifted a giant weight on his shoulder.

He doesn’t see Harry moving, but suddenly he is hugging both parents in a way James hadn’t seen him do it ever since the first time Harry was embarking to Hogwarts, the first time he would be left without his parents. They stand together, all three of them, hugging each other.

‘We are not mad, Harry’, adds Lily, when they break apart, and Harry is blinking too fast. ‘I mean, we are, just not -’

‘Not because of you’, completes James. ‘We know it’s not your fault’.

They all know whose fault is, but none of them mention Voldemort. His presence is always lingering over them, marking even the good moments as if they are a second away from being over.

‘But what we can do now is to get you through’, says James, with a smile that’s braver than he feels, but Harry seems to appreciate his gesture anyway.

‘I don’t know what the first task will be, but -’

‘Let us worry about this’, Lily says, her eyes full of determination and a mischief sparkle that James loves when he sees it. ‘You focus on your classes and studying. You know, trying to -’

‘Pretend everything is normal?’, Harry jokes, but there is still a heaviness in his voice that makes James thinks more than one thing is abnormal. Lily notices it too because she frowns.

‘Harry… what happened? Other than your name coming out of the Goblet of Fire, I mean’.

Harry bits his lips, clearly not wanting to say anything. He seems more upset than ever, but after a minute he looks at James with another kind of desperation in his voice.

‘Dad… Did you ever fight with Sirius?’

The question seems so random that James blinks.

‘Yeah, I mean, you’ve seen our discussions -’

‘No, I meant it for real. As if - as if you couldn’t even be friends anymore’.

James exchanges a worried look with Lily.

‘Yes, I did. Once’, he admits, and Harry looks surprised at him. ‘There was this time that Sirius had this idea of a prank, one that could hurt innocent people, including Moony, and I didn’t agree with him. So we fought and we didn’t talk for days. I never felt so miserable’.

‘But you managed to be friends again, right?’, Harry presses. ‘How did you do it?’

James looks at him; Harry looks more scared now than he was when thinking about the Tournament. James thinks of seeing Harry with Hermione, and of Ron alone in the Great Hall.

‘With time and patience and forgiveness’, he says slowly, trying to understand what happened to make Harry and Ron fight. ‘Best friends always come around’.

‘Whatever happened, Harry, the real friendship will last’, Lily adds, her voice concerned. ‘And you do have real friends’.

He doesn’t seem to believe them so much now, but Harry nods.

‘Do you want us to -’

‘No, Dad’, Harry says quickly. ‘Me and Ron - I mean - we will sort things out. Eventually’.

‘You will’, James agrees, touching Harry’s head and messing his hair in a way that always makes Harry smiles in embarrassment and joy. Harry grins.

‘Hey, hey, okay’. He pauses briefly. ‘Thanks. For coming here to see me, I - I am so  _ sorry  _ to worry you -’

‘Harry’, Lily interrupts him fondly, her hand messing Harry’s hair just as James had done, but with much more gentleness. ‘We are parents, we are always worrying about you, even when nothing is happening’.

‘Yeah, why do you think I got so much white hair?’, jokes James, making Harry let out a reluctant chuckle.

‘Sirius, probably’, he says teasingly, and James grins, agreeing. Harry looks at them with a soft expression, as if really appreciating his parents being there, before he sighs. ‘I should get back’. He blushes slightly. ‘I have some essays to finish, actually’.

‘Let me guess, they are due tomorrow’, James says smirking. His hips bump playfully on Lily. ‘Guess he took that from you’.

‘I always thought desperation makes the best essays’, Lily says brightly, sharing a smile with Harry. ‘Go on, then. And Harry… Be careful’.

‘I always try to’, Harry assures her. ‘But, you know -’

‘Trouble keeps finding you’, James finishes for him, pulling his son for another hug.

The fact that Harry accepts without complaining at all shows him how much Harry was needing that hug and, once more, the despair over the situation threatens to overwhelm James. But he puts a brave smile for Harry and watches as Lily hugs Harry too, vowing to himself he will keep doing everything he can to protect them both. His family.

‘We love you’, she says, and Harry smiles a final time.

‘Love you too’.

James and Lily watch their son go back to the castle, their hands gripped together to keep each other from falling.

* * *

‘So, Harry’, Rita Skeeter is smiling sweetly at him, not at all convincing. ‘How do your parents feel about you competing in the Triwizard Tournament? Proud? Worried? Angry?’

Harry takes a deep breath.

‘My parents believe I didn’t enter’, he says, knowing perfectly well Skeeter won’t publish any of this. ‘They are worried, of course, but they support me, as they always have’.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed it, please let a comment with your thoughts :)


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